What Makes a Good Coach? (Hint: It's Not the Playbook)

In nearly every coaching workshop I lead, I start with a simple but powerful exercise.

I hand each coach a sticky note and ask them to write down the name of their favorite coach they ever had. Then, I ask them to write down their answer to a second question: "What was the most memorable thing about that coach that made them your favorite?"

Once they finish, I ask each person to read their answer aloud, and then stick the note on one of two walls: one labeled "Emotional" and one labeled "Technical."

Things like "they believed in me," "they pushed me," "they made it fun," or "they cared about me as a person" go on the Emotional wall.

Things like "they ran great drills," "they taught zone defense well," or "they had a sharp playbook" go on the Technical wall.

Every single time I’ve done this, the Emotional wall ends up covered. The Technical wall? Maybe a few stickies, usually from coaches who feel guilty not mentioning something tactical.

This simple activity always leads to the same takeaway:

The qualities of a good coach are rooted in relationships, not just Xs and Os.

The Science Behind Great Coaching

You don’t have to take my word for it. Studies in coaching psychology and youth development consistently back this up.

A 2011 study published in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology found that athletes' perceptions of their coaches' behaviors significantly influenced their motivation and long-term engagement in sports. Coaches who displayed empathy, support, and positive reinforcement were more likely to inspire persistence, confidence, and enjoyment among their athletes.

Another study by the Positive Coaching Alliance highlights that kids are more likely to stick with sports, develop resilience, and feel confident when coaches focus on creating a positive emotional environment rather than just technical performance.

What Makes a Good Coach? The Core Qualities

Here are some of the most commonly cited characteristics of good coaches, both from research and experience:

1. They Build Relationships First

Great coaches know their athletes beyond the field or court. They know what motivates them, when they need a push, and when they need support. They check in. They listen. They care.

2. They Lead with Integrity and Consistency

Consistency in tone, expectations, and behavior is vital. Good coaches model the very values they want to teach: respect, discipline, effort, and resilience.

3. They Make Every Player Feel Seen

It’s easy to coach the top player on the team. It takes intention to coach the quiet kid on the bench with the same energy. Good coaches treat each athlete as valuable, regardless of talent level.

4. They Communicate Clearly

This doesn’t mean they talk a lot. It means they communicate expectations, roles, and feedback in ways that athletes can understand and apply. They simplify the complex.

5. They Create a Safe Environment to Fail and Learn

Athletes develop best when they aren’t afraid to mess up. The best coaches foster an environment where mistakes are part of the process, not something to fear.

6. They Know the Game, But Teach the Person

Yes, great coaches understand strategy, skill development, and training methodology. But the magic lies in how they teach it. They tailor their technical knowledge to the individual in front of them.

Emotional vs. Technical: Why the Soft Skills Matter More

Let’s return to the sticky note exercise. Why does it always lean emotional?

Because athletes rarely remember the drills. They remember how those drills made them feel. They remember how the coach treated them when they were struggling. They remember feeling included, empowered, challenged, or valued.

Technical skill matters. But it’s table stakes. Think about what you remember, as an adult coach, about your favorite youth sports memories. Do you remember the exacts of big games, or winning a championship? Probably not. You remember the emotion of that big triumph or comeback victory. That's what stuck and that's what keeps you going.

What separates the good from the great is how well a coach creates a space where athletes want to show up, trust the process, and give their best.

Real Coaching, Real Impact

You can be a brilliant tactician and still lose your players. On the flip side, you can be learning the game as you go, and as long as you’re honest, caring, and consistent, kids will follow you anywhere.

Ask any adult who played sports, and you’ll find that their favorite coach doesn't have anything to do with whether they had the most wins. It was the one who shaped how they saw themselves. 

That’s what makes a good coach. 

A Challenge to Coaches

The next time you're prepping for practice, try this:

• Start with how you want your players to feel that day.

• Then build the technical plan that gets you there.

• Watch how much more engaged your athletes become.

Remember, coaching is a human job first. The clipboard is just a tool.

Final Thoughts

What makes a great coach isn't just in their knowledge of the game, but in their ability to connect, uplift, and lead with purpose. If you’re coaching youth athletes, especially in K–8th grade, your influence is even more profound. You’re not just teaching a sport — you're shaping confidence, identity, and resilience.

So the next time you wonder what makes a good coach, and if you're doing it right, just go back to that sticky note exercise.

If your players wrote about you, which wall would your name go on? Which one do you want it to go on?

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